Guanyin's golden Ear 觀音金耳垂

I am eating the flower essence of golden Ear drops. The issue is about trauma in childhood helping people to aware the wound and transform this. Doctor tested the flower essence for me many times this year, and I remembered many things happened in my childhood such as being hit, sexual harassment by strange men on street or feeling abandoned. I felt very strong suffering when remembering these details and cried a lot. How can I keep this trauma with me so many years. Even I am adult now but the three or four years old little girl inside me feeling painful so much.I remembered the details, the situation even the space in my childhood. But I can not hate my family. I can only aware the trauma and transform this using tool I learn such as mindfulness. When sitting and chanting this morning, I looked at my little Guanyin sculpture and realized she has been my protector since childhood (even past life), because there were a similar sculpture near the shelter room I hid after hitting. I can not help crying when looking at Guanyin feeling her compassion understanding my suffering deeply. Gradually I stopped crying and smiled to the wound, and then walked mindfully to eat my breakfast.

about Golden Ear Drops flower essence
http://www.anandaapothecary.com/fes-north-american-flower-essences/golden-ear-drops-flower-essence.html

在崔玖教授診所測花精，總疑惑著為什麼金耳垂會連續測出四次，金耳垂是朵童年創傷的花精，最大的狀況就是四月在五日禪的那幾天，的確每次有金耳垂我就會想起童年的一些事情，以前只是偶而有畫面閃過，但金耳垂讓我看到創傷的細節。

上周有個因緣跟朋友聊天時，某個他拿起雨傘的姿勢讓我下意識的退後一步，然後我們都注意到了這個反應，還認真地討論了一會，我說: 「我不記得有被男人打過，所以應該是小時候的家人吧，他們說我不乖、沒有照顧弟弟，記得自己常常被打。」

一邊狐疑一邊抓髮，一邊對崔教授嘀咕: 「教授，為什麼還有金耳垂，還有什麼創傷嗎?」教授聽到我跟朋友的這段對話，很認真的寫起來，這個很重要，她說，要大小孩照顧小小孩(我弟)，然後大小孩感覺被遺棄還被打，這是很嚴肅的創傷。

回家吃花精後沒有感覺舒暢，反而很沉重，同時有另一些煩惱著，去共修也還無法轉換。等到今早剛張開眼睛，突然記起來童年常被外婆打的細節，其實應該是說"願意去看到"，所以我常會躲去外婆家的倉庫閣樓，那裏很暗但是只有小孩才進得去，連閣樓的空間我都記得很清楚。

早上打坐的時候，這些細節一一浮現，我也開始掉淚哭個不停，看著書櫃裡的觀音菩薩，才知道這世跟觀世音菩薩的因緣不是前幾年學佛才開始的(當然前世也有)，外婆家閣樓旁邊是神明廳，裡面有許多恐怖的祖先遺像跟牌位，重點是也有一尊小小的觀世音菩薩像，今年初我回去外婆家特別去神明聽很驚訝看到這尊菩薩像，原來童年躲在閣樓的我，觀音菩薩已經特別來照顧，才有現在的自己。

一邊打坐一邊念經，非常不正念一邊哭了很久之後，感覺到金耳垂花精的強烈清潔作用，然後微笑著拿錢包出門行禪慢慢走去買早餐。