11/01/2012

Centaury flower essence 史車菊花精

Centaury (Centaurium umbellatum)








Positive

One who serve wisely and quietly.

One who knows when to give or when to withhold.
 One who has strong individuality,
is able to mix well and support his own opinions.
 


正面花語
妳知道如何有智慧且安穩地服務人群
妳知道何時該付出，
何時該保留
妳有堅強的個體性，
能夠用意志跟支持自己的意見
CENTAURY

Kind, quiet, gentle people who are over-anxious to serve others. 
They overtax their strength in their endeavours.
Their wish so grows upon them that they become more
servants than willing helpers. Their good nature leads them to do
more than their own share of work, and in so doing they may
neglect their own particular mission in life.

善良、安静、温和的人，服务的愿望过于强烈。
在全力以赴的过程中常让自己超负荷。
过于强烈的助人愿望使他们更像个奴仆，而非乐意助人者。
他们的善良天性导致他们整天为他人忙碌，做很多超出其分内之事，
以致忽略了自己人生独特的使命。 



There is something same between my maternal grandmom, my mom and myself. We are both the eldest daughter in our family. My grandmom has four younger brother and sisters, and numerous cousins; my mom has five younger brothers and sisters, and numerous cousins too. I also have a younger brother and numerous cousins. The whole family gathering host often and there are usually more than thirty relatives to join every time. Everyone respects my grandmom for her position as elder grandmom; she is always showing her gentleness to anyone. Everyone respects her also for her hard working to take care their grandparent when they were young. Grandmom helped to raise other kids; when she grow up as teenager, she choosed to became child-bride herself, and then her other younger sisters could stay at original family. It is fate for 1930s Taiwanese girl.



All relatives also respect My mom, not only because of her career as teacher  since being teacher is a honor job in Confucianism Chinese culture, but also her brave behavior to protect others kids from great-grandmom's abuse. My mom couldn't go to university due to sexism  in early 1950s Taiwan. No one would offer a girl the chance for better education, so she studied very hard to pass the entrance examination for post-graduated diploma in Teaching and became a teacher in elementary school. She teaches over forty years. To join the teaching program was the only opportunity for young girls to have chance for higher education.  So, there are lots of female teachers around sixty years old now having similar experiences. These female teachers knew how sexism treat them so much, but they didn't know anything about western feminism. They want to provide next generation better chance to learn, but they also demand theyoung to follow the sexism tradition they was suffering for.



Now is my generation, growing up as middle class in modern Taiwan. How do I respond to my grandmom and my mom's experiences as daughter, eldest sister in Chinese family. I was taught what they believe that one of my important duty for the life is to take care the younger one. I was often punished because I didn't take care my younger brother well, for example, I didn't provide him bigger apple as Chinese old saying suggested. I had been such girl who cared about social justice more than Confucianism ethic. I resisted the sexism and unfair culture. So I was beaten a lot for my protest when I was little. However, for these years moving around in different areas of Taiwan and other countries, sometimes I went to live with my younger brother who lives in family's house in Taipei city to save rent. I realized the resistance and punishment penetrated me so deeply. I discovered the subtle guilty feeling not taking care of my brother well, which stored in my deep consciousness for a long time. I blamed myself not being a good daughter, also a good sister, if my younger brother didn't go to sleep earlier for his healthy !  We are both adult already, but I am still suffering for the bond. It is sweet to have a harmonic family to support each other, but the sister duty is also burden and constraint in my life. I could never know who I am before being somebody's sister, daughter or wife. I also wondered did I get the poisoned of western feminism to much? Should I judge my culture from the perspective of other countries? Why couldn't I follow the path how my grandmom and mom survived. I was so struggling for years to be a servant for my family, particular mentally, without knowing what can I do if I choose not to serve others unconsciously like eldest sisters' karma chain. I would love to radiate the love and kindness to all, and contribute to bigger community, the nations, and the Mother Earth.  That's the Centaury flower essence's way to help me for such deeper understanding.







Centaury type may say about themselves:


I am good natured.
我天性善良

I don't want to hut anybody.
我不想傷害任何人

My will is not very strong.
我的意志薄弱

I often find it difficult to say no.
我時常很難說不

I am easily talked into something and get angry about it afterward.
我很容易說了話之後，又對說了什麼感到生氣

I　often don't find the right moment in a relationship to say, "Enough, no more!"
我時常找不到適當時機跟對方說：　夠了﹗太過分了！

I have always lived for others and have denied my own needs.
我為別人活著且拒絕自己的需求

I never have the courage to disagree.
我沒有勇氣反駁

I grew up late.
我晚熟啦


I am afraid of not fulfilling another person's expectations, even when the other person has not expressed her expectations.
我怕不能達到別人期待，即使別人並沒有表達這種期待

I often feel that I have been used.
我時常感覺被利用了


When I want something it is hard for me　to express it.
當我想要什麼卻又很難表達出來

I am cowardly and am tyrannized by others.
我很怯懦且會被別人控制

I often ask myself, "Why don't you fight back."
我時常問自己為何不反擊

I often say yes because I am afraid of no longer being loved if I express my opinion.
我時常答應別人，是因為怕表達自己意見後不被喜愛了

I am afraid of being rejected.
我害怕被拒絕

i am afraid to assert myself.
我怕堅定自己立場

I am afraid of being repelled.
我怕被排斥



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